21 Years

Today is my 21st birthday, I thought i would write something positive for a change or at least give a whack at it.

Twenty One Years , Twenty One Birthdays, and Resolutions
(note i wrote this a 230 in the morning so forgive me if i forget something or if it isnt the best grammar, i may add or change later...)

Isn't it amazing that on the day we were born that the slate is clean...no mistakes, no achievements, no decisions to make. We are fresh canvass waiting to be painted. In our lives it is inevitable that we will color outside the lines with mistakes, but it's also true that with the right color and stroke we can make each mistake blend with all our achievements, to create something beautiful. Without an artists own special touch a painting is worth nothing. Like art, each life is worth something to someone, and each has its own essence of beauty. I hope that even with all the dark smudges from twenty one years full of mistakes, that I can still create something beautiful to leave behind.

1989, March 1st - In the words of my mom, since i cant remember...."On this day...you my daughter was born on a very cold and icy morning. You were wrinkly and pink. You had a cute lil nose with lil white dots all over it, the prettiest blue eyes, and the sweetest little cry. Today you turn 21 and i still love you just as much as the day the doctor placed you in my arms." (thanks mom)
Isn't it amazing that on the day we were born that the slate is clean...no mistakes, no achievements, no decisions to make. We are fresh canvas waiting to be painted.

Here are some of the milestone birthdays, and years in my life...

8 birthdays ago- I was 13...So excited i couldn't sleep..that magical number that transforms a kind into a teenager...man was that an exciting day. I don't remember much about it except that i was excited. Not just that i was a teenage, but woot woot only 7 years to go until i was the much awaited adulthood. This was the last year I had without some guy messing up my life lol. This was one of the best years of school..and a great year with friends.
5 years ago- i was 16....what a day. I got my drivers license, my first job, my first experience with independence, met one of my best friends, and my first car. In this year of my life i manage to wreck my car twice, lose a childhood friend to a tragedy, and my first out of the country trip. Drama of the high school years, drama.
3 years ago- I was 18...Wow, was this awesome or what?! Definitely what you expect when you are 13. Its all dreams until this point, and when this magical number arrives reality hits. You are confronted with making your own decisions(something we fight our parents for and then wish they would do it for us once we have that control), college, full time jobs, bills, and adulthood. I remember all the calls and talks i go that day some were late some were early, but everyone wished me well and sang praises...I think i saved one of those messages in particular on my phone for over a year after that day. This was also the year i got my first apartment, my first "serious" adult relationship, cut all my hair off, went to my prom, my first vacation paid for by me, my first credit card (and 2nd and 3rd and so on :( ...) i met Mark ( now my husband)
1 year ago- I was 20...no longer a teen. During this year I was a new new newly wed, got my first rental house, at one point had 4 pets (down to one now), was diagnosed with bipolar, had major life changing events take place in my personal life, had a REAL conversation with my dad...even if it was only through written communication, was hospitalized, lost a friendship,rekindled with my husband, quit two jobs, withdrew from school, paid off three credit cards, saw my friend and cousin get married, experienced the saddest day watching my grandfathers last moments, lost another grandfather, and decided to take my life and make some serious changes...starting year 21 in my life.

My resolutions for the next year of my life:
(even if some are far fetched or bogus, it is better to have an unattainable goal, than no goal at all)
1. Join and stick with a support group.
2. Get established with a doctor and be completely honest with that doctor.
3. Get mentally healthy enough so I can help others like me to their journey.
4. Get physically healthy.
5. Stay healthy physically and mentally so I can be a better wife, daughter, grand daughter, sister, and friend.
6. Always write, write, write to release, never bleed.
7. Find one reason to be happy everyday, even if I have to make it up.
8. Focus
9. Pay off bills and save.
10.Get a house in Greeneville.
11.Find a hobby I can start, afford, and enjoy
12. Be creative.