Well, last night was another sleeping struggle. I think i am tired and will lie down, and almost immediately i am wide awake again. This time the thought that so often crosses my mind was, death. My head "What happens when we die? Is it a sin to question this? Will i see my family again? Will we remember our lives? How different will things be, and for the better? Will i go to hell for questioning this? I am a Christian and believe that Jesus died for me, but what if i am wrong and is wrong to think that? Will heaven be boring, is it wrong to ask this? I don't have the greatest life, but i love the people in it and the things i do...will heaven just be pillows to lay on and relaxation all the time? Forever just seems so long...won't we ever get sick of existence? Why cant i be so sure of things like everyone around me seems to be? When will i die? Will it hurt? Will i be old? Will i have unfinished business? Have i told everyone i love i love them?" Okay, i think you get the idea...its a freaking mess in there. I cant shake the thoughts and frustrates me that i think these things all the time. I have tried discussing them with other people...and really it just seems so easy for them and they are so sure of what is to come...and they seem to just get frustrated with me about even thinking the things i do. But, trust me if i didn't have to think these things i wouldn't!
Another thing that has been really bad lately is my urge to annoy....all i want to do is annoy people, esp my husband. When he is dosing off i cant help myself, but to make a noise or disturb him in some way. I know this is mean and wrong but i just cant help it...it makes me laugh, and later i regret it when we fight or when i think about how rude it was. ahh....
On a happy note...end of week three of Weight Watchers lost another 1.7 pounds! :) Hoping i can lose 3 next week....but for now its cheat day so i have decided a Wopper from burger king sounds a- ok to me!
Goodbye for now, thanks for reading
